As for Me Study
I sensed the Lord wake me up in the middle of the night to put the thoughts down on paper. I wasn’t initially sure if it was for my girls, or me, or who yet, but this time the urgency woke me up and I actually did just that. I wrote. I hate when I fall back asleep or don’t do the small things He nudges me to do, like wake up in the middle of the night, because I’m not sure I’ll ever know what was on the other side of that obedience. This time though…. This time I woke up. I picked up my notes and I began to write. Frantically.
This past summer, a small group of us met around the As for Me (for teen girls) Life through the Lens of the Psalms study for teen girls. During this study, there was more nudging to get the readings done. More times of coming together where the girls didn’t want to read. More deep breaths of "do we really have to do this again this week mom” comments than I’ve really ever received before.
The studies we’ve been doing with others since our oldest (now almost 15) was in 1st grade or so have usually been met with excitement and a desire to dive in.
Not this time. Not this study. (And I know it’s totally ok…)
And honestly, during this study, I’ve gone back and forth…
I don’t want to force them into anything AND the home is the foundation of it all…
I don’t want the girls to despise anything about their faith AND “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6).
I want to honor my girls and respect their own faith walks with Him, knowing it will be different than my own and each others…
Have you ever wrestled around any of this!?
I’ve wrestled about my children with the Lord more during this study than ever before with a study that I can recall and I’m thankful He woke me up to write…. I’m thankful that, through the toiling throughout this study for me and Him, He responded to me in it all.
And on a random Saturday afternoon, the girls and I sat around the dining room table, and I read aloud to my girls what the Lord placed on my heart…
I don’t want you to hate it AND I’m persistent because I know the lies the world will try to feed you like it has with me, and I know the Word holds the Truth.
I don’t want you to resent it AND, I keep coming back to it because I know the lies the enemy will try to shoot at you like arrows like He has already tried to shoot at you and me, and His Word holds the answers to building a Godly stronghold. I’ve fallen for the enemy’s lies before and tried to carry the weight that comes with it. It could have destroyed me.
I don’t want you to think it’s impossible to understand AND, there’s a lot. There’s over 2,000 pages and within the Holy-spirit filled pages contains the answers to who you are, whose you are, and what your purpose is. I needed and still need help understanding it all because it’s too much. People devote their entire lives to understanding it all, and still won’t have a complete understanding. Silly me for thinking I could do this faith walk alone at times. You and me can’t digest it all alone. When I was stuck, there were times I didn’t reach out for help. That left me stuck. When I reached out for help, freedom came. It would be wise for you to do the same.
I don’t want it to feel like I force it down your throat AND I know the enemy loves to isolate people so they can sit alone in his lies. Jesus died for us to have community. Reading the Word together isn’t always about you. It’s also about His Church, His family and Him. I’ve isolated myself before. It left me worried, anxious, fearful and sitting in shame. This is what’s waiting on the other side with isolation.
Sometimes I hate the feeling that I MAKE you study at times…
AND, I know there’s no replacement for His Truth. I know that when life hits rock bottom-because we all have rock bottoms- including your mom, Faith will pull you through.
I hate that sometimes it can feel like 'Oh, great, here’s another study’…
AND, I know that the mind is where the battlefield is. My mind has been tormented at times but on the other side is a fortress of peace and joy and love. Nothing in this world can create such a fortress in your mind other than His Spirit, His presence, His Word and being in community with His Church.
I know that the thoughts of man are everywhere and if we don’t spend time in His Word we won’t know His thoughts.
I know that sometimes you’re too tired for another study and baby girls, trust me, I’ve been tired, too.
But I know His Word restores, gives life and rest and will fill you when this world will fail you. I’ve even learned to take days off of work to simply sit in His presence and just be with Him. Me and Him.
I know your life is busy baby girls, but just wait until you’re in shoes similar to mine one day…
AND, I know there’s nothing more important, more precious, than your relationship with Him, even in the midst of the busy.
I know that things in your life may seem more pressing, more important and more fun…. And I know that You will meet Him face to face one day, and baby girls, I will do the same.
I know you’ll have highs and lows, because girls, I have too, and I know it was Him who got me through.
When I was younger with my boyfriend and made decisions that nobody else could make but me, He was there.
When I had to choose what direction my character would go, He was there.
When my parents dropped me off at college and I stood waving goodbye to the last 18 years with them and now doing it all on my own, He was there.
When I had no money or way of getting home, He was there.
When I felt I didn’t fit in, He was there.
When I wrote my secrets down, He was there.
When I kept secrets tighter than even a pen and paper, He was there.
When I worked with people who seemed to hate me, He was there.
When I hurt others, He was there.
When I didn’t feel good enough, He was there.
When I failed, He was there.
When my heart was broken, He was there.
When I broke a heart or two back in the day (because believe it or not ladies, back in the day I might have broken a heart or two), He was there.
When He didn’t answer my prayers how I wanted Him to, He was there.
When I told white lies, He was there.
When I was tired of reading and going to church, He was there.
And He’s still here…
He’s a patient God. And He’s returning soon.
And I know that He’s done everything and will continue to go to great lengths to do life with YOU, just like He’s doing with me.
It starts with opening His Word.
One day, I won’t be around for another study, another book, another prayer. And He will still be there.
And there may be time that you possibly face rejection, shame, bitterness, or unforgiveness or loneliness the enemy tries to shoot everyone’s way, just like I have…. You may face exhaustion or just like giving up at times, just like I have…. He will still be there.
When you celebrate and everything seems to be going amazing…you got it. He’s right there with you through it all.
And one day, you may be charged with handing down the Faith to little ones, just like me…. He will be still be there.
And just know, that through it all, He will be there. Closer than any paper and pen. Closer than any word on a paper you put down. Closer to you than the very breath you breathe.
And you’ll meet Him in it all, by opening and staying in His Word.
Honestly, after I read this with my girls, they were stuck on the fact that I might have broken a heart back in the day.
Like, REALLY LADIES? Out of all of this, THAT is what you’re stuck on!? (They just couldn’t believe it lol). Seriously, y’all? LOL! We laughed for a while about this…
But in all seriousness, after reading these words out loud, it sparked real conversation. This opened up for us a more open and deeper dialogue between us about it all. Sharing more of me allowed them to share more vulnerably about them and where they were.
I wanted my girls to see that as they question or go back and forth, so does their mom. And it’s ok. I wanted them to see that I don’t have all of the answers and I wanted them to hear about the current struggles I was navigating internally as a momma and the ‘why’ behind it all. Making the invisible visible for our girls, was powerful and freeing for them and for me. as we sat around that dining room table.
Talk about powerful.
Talk about beautiful.
Talk about more deeply connected.
We continued with the study. The girls learned more about His Word.
They learned more about their mom. And their mom learned more about them.
It’s funny how, even through this different experience of a study, we’re more deeply connected to Him and to each other at the end of it all.
Praise the Lord His grace, mercy and love are so, so good.
If you’re navigating your children growing in their faith and navigating different seasons of their faith, talk about it. Create a safe space for them to share what they’re thinking and navigating. Share parts of your story with navigating your own faith journey. Talk about the changes happening on your faith walk as well as theirs, including the questions and the struggles. Stay in prayer. Keep talking to other momma’s walking in the same journey and keep going. You’ve got this because He’s got you and know you’re never alone on this journey, momma.
Let’s turn our Eyes to Jesus because it’s all for His Glory.
In love,
Kassie Leigh
PS-The group of moms and girls still celebrated at the end of the study. This group didn’t meet as consistently this summer, but seeds were watered and seeds were planted. The celebration is always a must. We have a local spot that has ‘tea parties’ and it was such an adorable and comfortable place, that I wanted to make sure to share the beautiful space, the beautiful food, shared with some beautiful people. Enjoy!
